Do your kids confide in you, do they trust you enough to discuss with you? If they do, then you must be a happy parent, and then, this write up is not meant for you if you have such fantastic relationship with your kids.
On the other hand if you’ve perceived your child to be very defensive every time you throw simple rhetoric at (s)he, with the famous phrase of “i don’t know” or being snobish, and you clearly know that discussion with such a child is over before it even barely started.
Do you sense a battle every time you want to converse with your kid? Here are some clue from a child therapist.
If talking to children is what you do for a living, then this stuff am talking about is ten times what it is. But as time goes by you start improving and sourcing new skills on how to get kids to open up. And usually not one cap fit all because if a child don’t want to give in then nothing one can do in such situation.
I have discovered that a lot of kids want to open up most at times, but we somehow find a way to deny them that opportunity by clouding in our own way of doing things into them and we end up missing and closing that window.
But really what get kids to talk? it isn’t a rocket science, but it’s as easy as we can get. The opinion may look very easy and irrelevant but i bet it works. I have handled sessions with some harden kids and i find those opinion or solution to be of a great help.
Kids have a sense, a voice and a right, they have the right to be heard and want adults to at least sometimes, listen and try to understand them. So it’s very important that we listen to them and aswell understand them.
But, i agree that listening and understanding kids, might be quite tasking, and because it’s tasking i will often ask a kid question and just momentarily dwell in the wilderness of silence.
In my tender days, i would offer my help immediately by providing an answer for them just to conquer the silence.
HERE ARE FEW TIPS THAT COULD BE OF GREAT HELP
- Give a listening ear and hold your tongue.
- One thing i have come to realize, is the fact that some kids don’t speak about how they feel easily. When i give a sign that ama listening (nod my head) the kids tend to continue talking….They tell you even more.
- Don’t be in a hurry to give advice – only when they seek for it.
- Often times, the first complaint I hear from kids (my own included!) is that they do not want us to advice them. Well that sounds ridiculous? Your daughter cries to you about her friend’s awkward attitude towards her or your son talks about some bully kids on the bus. You naturally chip in with your words of wisdom.
- What’s wrong with that? Frankly, I don’t know. But, what I do know is that kids don’t usually like it.
- Sit with their feelings for a bit. Sympathize about it
- Get a sense of what they feel and get to understand and feel their pores then you will be able to spring out lovely stuff out of them because they will feel comfortable with you. Phrase like “that must have been difficult or sure you didn’t find that pleasant, will surely help.
- When you sense the child has finished pouring his/her frustration, calmly ask him what is the way forward, and when providing a solution for please be humble enough to let the kid feel the solution is just a suggestion and he has the choice to try it or not. That will make the child feel you are a partner with him not a boss.
- How you word things can be the small change that makes a big difference.
- Alright- The next part is not going to thrill you, bank me on this. A simple change of approach on how your questions are thrown at them will build or destroy the discussion. Is a tested theory based on experience i have gained all through my years of practice.
- Don’t be too implosive with your question, let it be subtle for the kids.
- Your daughter tells you she is angry at her best friend and she is never going to talk to him again. Instead of saying: “What did she do to you???, You state: “Wow, you seem so angry. I wonder what he did to you. Sounds almost the same, yea. But, trust me – it makes a difference. Most kids (not all) are more likely to answer the second question. Especially if you stay silent after making the comment.
- I usually ask questions like “what actually do you find interesting about it” to what is the nicest part about it or what do you not like about it to what is the worst part about it, and i find the second sentence sounding more appealing to kids because they relate to such question, they are more liable to answer it.
- Every child is unique, and every discussion is unique. In making your conversation with your kid or the children you work with more better, this little tips highlighted in this article will be of immense help.
Do you know someone who have challenges in getting their kids to talk? Share this article with them!